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Trump Administration to Repeal Bison as First National Mammal

A satirical view of how Trump might approach an indigenous treasure.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Trump administration plans to overturn the National Bison Legacy Act, a legislative bill that passed the House and Senate last April that unanimously approved the bison as the first national mammal of the United States. President Obama signed the bill into law.

In a statement to the press Trump said, “Buffalos are tremendous animals, just huge, they’re great with baked potatoes, but we can do better as a nation. I have appointed Donald Jr. and Eric on the taskforce for repealing the buffalos and choosing a better animal. They’ll do a great job, they love animals.”

Donald Jr. and Eric Trump stirred controversy in recent months when the press released photographs of the pair posing with exotic animals they shot and killed during pleasure-hunting expeditions in Africa.

“First things first,” President-elect Trump said. “There’s so much damage to undo. Obama’s work on this country has been a disaster, just a disaster. We’ve got a big job ahead of us, just slash and burn, slash and burn. Make America great again, bigly.”

Before the latest news broke that Trump will likely appoint Rep. Ryan Zinke (R-MT) to head the Department of the Interior, initial reports indicated the assignment might go to former Governor of the State of Alaska Sarah Palin. Trump was interested in former Governor Palin because of her prior experience with the Aerial Wolf Killing Program. “What a tremendous thing the Aerial Wolf Killing Program would be for the lower 48 in controlling the buffaloes and wild horses,” Trump stated.

The bison joined the bald eagle as a national symbol. Both animals represent our nation’s regard for wildlife conservation. Groups tapped in selecting the buffalo as the official mammal were conservationists, ranchers, and the Intertribal Buffalo Council. It is the wishes of the Intertribal Buffalo Council to restore bison to Indian nations to observe and practice their spiritual and cultural beliefs and traditions.

President-elect Trump stated, “If it was just up to me, I’d choose the warthog as America’s national mammal.” When told that the warthog is a type of wild pig found living in open habitats in sub-Saharan Africa, Trump paused, then stated, “Well, the alligator then. They make great handbags. Ivanka sells them, they’re yuge.”

Tiffany Midge is a contributor for Indian Country Today Media Network, and an assistant poetry editor at The Rumpus. Her work is featured in McSweeney’s, The Rumpus, Okey-Pankey, The Butter, Waxwing, and Moss. She is a Hunkpapa Lakota satirist. Follow her on Twitter @TiffanyMidge