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Native Humor: The True Meaning of Father’s Day, More or Less

Father? These thoughts on famous fatherhood-isms landed in our inbox from our friend TiwaMarcus and we felt the need to share.

These thoughts on famous fatherhood-isms landed in our inbox and we felt the need to share. They came to us from a friend named Creig, or "TiwaMarcus"—wherever you are, sir, we wish you a Happy Father's Day, and thank you for the laughs:

Here is my interpretation and paraphrasing of favorite inspiring, funny, enlightening, cute, or just plain "nice" quotes about Fathers. The truth shall set you free!

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. ~ 17th century English proverb
Tiwa: “I wish I knew who my father really was!”

Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad. ~ Anonymous
Tiwa: “I think this Mr. Anonymous is my real father.”

A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season. ~ Anonymous
Tiwa: “Explains why so many dads try to lose their young doing gardening chores.”


A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~ Enid Bagnold
Tiwa: “This is weird until you parse this author’s last name – Bag + n + old. Need I say more?”

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~ Lydia M. Child
Tiwa: “Why did I have so many kids?”

A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be. ~ Carol Coats
Tiwa: “Do as I say and not as I do.”

The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them. ~ Confucius
Tiwa: “Didn't we kill Admiral Confucius when the Chinese attacked Pearl Harbor?”

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. ~ Bill Cosby
Tiwa: “Fathers, fifty percent of the time you are justified in swatting your kid on the butt.”

Be kind to thy father, for when thou wert young, who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, and joined in thy innocent glee. ~ Margaret Courtney
Tiwa: “O’ tragic red-man, howest did thee let the English swine who speaketh such tripe taketh thy lands?”

It is impossible to please all the world and one's father. ~ Jean de La Fontaine
Tiwa: “No matter what I do, dad is going to whup me.”

To her the name of father was another name for love. ~ Fanny Fern
Tiwa: “I can guarantee in the Fern household, little Fanny was a tattle-tail, kiss-up and ratfink.”

A father is a banker provided by nature. ~ French Proverb
Tiwa: “Therefore natural law demands you keep your wallet upon until you visit doggy heaven.”

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. ~ Sigmund Freud
Tiwa: “Until you get older and need cocaine-induced delusions to invent psychotherapy like me.”

A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father. ~ Gabriel García Márquez
Tiwa: “I knew Vin Diesel was my son.”

To be a successful father...there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. ~ Ernest Hemingway
Tiwa: “This belongs on a Hallmark card.”

What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father. ~ Mary Mapes Dodge
Tiwa: “Your dad is wayyy stupid.”

It is much easier to become a father than to be one. ~ Kent Nerburn
Tiwa: “Wow Kent, you ever heard of the Mr. Obvious awards?”

None of you can ever be proud enough of being the child of such a Father who has not his equal in this world—so great, so good, so faultless. Try, all of you, to follow in his footsteps and don't be discouraged, for to be really in everything like him none of you, I am sure, will ever be. Try, therefore, to be like him in some points, and you will have acquired a great deal. ~ Queen Victoria of England
Tiwa: “What does the King of England have to say about that? Oh, right, right, he checked out a long time ago.”

It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. ~ Anne Sexton
Tiwa: “Once again, I wish I knew who my real father was!”

It is a wise child that knows his own father. ~ Homer
Tiwa – now getting a little angry: “Thrice repeated: I said I wish I knew who my father really was!”

It is a wise father that knows his own child. ~ William Shakespeare
Tiwa: “That is, until the doorbell is rung by the police.”

For thousands of years, father and son have stretched wistful hands across the canyon of time. ~ Alan Valentine
Tiwa: “Hey Alan, your dad was trying to push you into the Grand Canyon, not save you.”

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
Tiwa: “It makes it easier to blame bad behavior on their mom’s gene pool as well.”