At this point in the primaries, one thing is for certain: a Donald Trump or Ted Cruz administration would mean hell for Native Americans:
Fracking would be made mandatory. Pipes would almost immediately penetrate the ground. Poison would leak into the soil and drinking water at fantastic rates. White men with rotten crotches would be loosed from those decadent man camps and set upon Indian country where they’d prey on Indian women like starved jackals – even more so than they do today. …
Indeed. Should either the Troll or Teddy Boy buy the crown it’ll mean more sickness and pain and danger and hatred and LOSS for Native Americans – even more so than there is today. …
I don’t need to tell you that Trump the Troll – also known in these parts as the Orange Man – has roused and released the racist dragon in Americans. Heavily-armed pot-bellied red necks and their Bible-thumping wives have waddled out of their doublewides to rant and rage about Muslims and gays and Mexicans and blacks and Native Americans, and anybody else they feel are standing in between them and their deep-fried Divine Rights and loaded semi-automatics – arms that are invariably molested just after supper by these writhing, cooing gun suckers.
All the while Teddy Boy is on CNN trying to best the Troll with pathetically weak left jabs. The Canadian has gently tip-toed into the ring with a mean sonofabuck – a fighter known for his raw and dirty tactics, someone who thinks nothing of ripping off nipples and gnawing on skulls, eating his way through flesh and bone and brain, clear through to the other side. Nearby, a savage crowd cheers screaming, “More! Go! Kill ‘em! Yes!” The difference between a backyard boxing crowd and wild bigots at a Trump rally isn’t immediately apparent. Both groups are invariably bloodthirsty, and most hope to take home a party favor, a tooth or some piece of bone. If they’re lucky, the kneecap that flew onto their lap.
Welcome to the new American politics, folks. There will be blood.
And no need to worry about Kasich, the Catholic. He’s got as much chance of securing the GOP candidacy as he does being elected the next Pope. Lately, though, the mood has shifted in Rome, so maybe Kasich WILL see white smoke after all. Although the gibbed robed at the Vatican still canonize evil floggers like Junipero Serra, at least your dog can now join you for a piss on a Heavenly bush. Religion – it would be funny if it weren’t so goddamn deadly. Ask Brussels or those in the Ivory Coast.
Back here in America, the madness of the presidential election continues, and so far the sole GOP candidate to mention Native Americans has been the Troll, but only to mock Elizabeth Warren. Meanwhile, Teddy Boy has called for the patrol of Muslim communities to search for potential terrorists. But I say if we’re going to patrol Muslim communities after a vicious terrorist attack then we should patrol Christian communities as well, especially whenever some mad, armed, fat Christian fanatic shoots and kills innocent Americans – doctors and mothers and veterans – at a Planned Parenthood. When a Christian kills innocent people in the name of God that, too, is a religiously motivated terrorist attack. Don’t listen to any narrow-minded hypocrite who’d try to convince you otherwise. They are LIARS, because Christian fanaticism is a real and dangerous thing. Ask a Native American. … It was Christian fanatics – armed with guns and Bibles, with a penchant for piercing and burning Indian flesh – that conjured up and put forth Divine Right and Manifest Destiny. Yes sir. And these Christian jihadists wanted people to believe that the mutilations and massacres were done solely in the name of God and glory, but in fact they were done for God, glory, gold, land, women and riches. Facts are facts, jack.
And yet Warren says this nation was built on decency and “concern for our neighbors.” No. It was built on bigotry and Christian fanaticism.
Well the Troll has got his fangs buried in the flesh of Teddy Boy now, and lock jaw has set in. You bet, bub. The GOP has turned the race for the presidency into a backyard brawl: No rules. No scruples. Balls are game. Eyes are free for the plucking. Keep the kids at home, but wives can be hurled into the muddy ring, apparently. Jeezus. A backyard brawl has got nothing on politics, especially during an election year.
In any sense, these two Republican comb-overs mean doom and dark days for Native Americans, and everyone else for that matter. The only bastards who don’t agree with this forgone conclusion are the ones with oil-slicked pockets. The slippery shits. And where it's slippery someone WILL fall ... let's just hope it’s none of us. Right. Don’t let these two happen to you ... or your sisters and brothers and the water and the soil and life in general. Teddy Boy and the Orange Man are flesh and blood ass-teroids on a trajectory for our fading globe. Bruce Willis can’t save you this time, but voting can.
Simon Moya-Smith, Oglala Lakota, is the Culture Editor at Indian Country Today. Follow him @Simonmoyasmith.