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How Did I Miss That? The Perfect Dog for Republicans... and It's Not Donald Trump!

For those who think the 2016 elections are already going to the dogs when it’s only 2015, Rover.com broke down 2012 election data by county and matched it against their massive database of registered canines to search for trends. They found trends. The import of the trends is up for grabs.

In roughly the same numbers, Democrats and Republicans both prefer some very smart dogs. The Dems like Poodles and the GOP voters like Border Collies, breeds that appear at the top of doggy IQ tests.

The party always pressing for military action prefers bigger dogs. To the objection that Poodles come in all sizes, Standard to Toy, the answer is in the next two breeds in order of preference.

Republicans: Boxer and Australian Shepherd.

Democrats: Maltese and Yorkshire Terrier.

While Republicans indisputably like big dogs, Independents seem conflicted. They prefer the Pit Bull Terrier, Dachshund, and Siberian Husky.

Combining favorite breeds with favorite names, the typical Democrat dog is a Poodle named Parker and the typical Republican dog is a Border Collie named Coco. If you limit the names to the political, the Dem dog is Bernie and the GOP dog is Reagan.

I’m sure this was all very scientific, but I am an Independent and my cousin Ray Sixkiller is a Republican. We both prefer Rez Dogs. Cousin Ray pointed out that Rez Dog is not a breed recognized by the AKC yet, “but the petition has been pending since 1492."

Back in the kennel, reality TV celebrity Donald Trump mused once more this week about running for POTUS outside the Republican Party, refusing to rule it out after a USA Today/Suffolk University poll suggested that 68 percent of Trump supporters would stay with him as an independent.

Jeb! Bush tweeted, “Maybe Donald negotiated a deal with his buddy @HillaryClinton. Continuing this path will put her in the White House.”

Jeb!, or rather Team Bush (which counts superPACS) has spent $32.5 million for 3.8 percent of the GOP vote. There has not been waste like this since John Connally spent $11 million to win one delegate. Jeb! has already spent over twice as much as the four frontrunners combined. The four---Trump, Cruz, Rubio, and Carson—are all in double digits.

Cousin Ray tried to put those numbers in the best light by suggesting that Jeb! “is getting all that spending out of his system in case he gets elected and needs to cut the budget.”

Speaking of budgets, the white supremacist website Strormfront told Politico it was having to add servers to deal with a spike in traffic they call the “Trump Bump.”

The Donald is going to protect us from those Muslims. Not only will no Muslims be allowed to enter the country, U.S. citizen Muslims, should they travel outside the country, will not be allowed to return.

“That,” Cousin Ray said grimly, “should slow down the Hajj.”

The Telegraph reported that a petition asking the British Parliament to declare Donald Trump persona non grata had passed 360,000 signatures. It takes 100,000 signatures to require attention by the Petitions Committee.

Time named German Chancellor Angela Merkel Person of the Year, but lots of people in this country thought it should have been The Donald.

“How many people,” Cousin Ray asked, “manage to destroy one party in a two party system?”

Wipe out the Republicans? When gerrymandered congressional districts guarantee they can control Congress without getting the most votes?

Even if Trump pulled off that feat of destruction, Merkel has worked the construction side of politics, keeping the European Union together. Why should non-Germans care? Maybe World Wars I and II?

As President of the European Council, she forged the compromises that prevented the PIIGS (Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece, and Spain) dominos from destroying the unity that has produced unprecedented peace and prosperity. She responded to the Syrian refugee crisis by opening German borders to people fleeing violence, as required by international human rights standards.

Both accomplishments were unpopular with her voters, but she staked her personal credibility. Getting in front of your own supporters used to be called leadership.

But Merkel could not be elected in the U.S. She has an earned Ph.D. in physical chemistry, a liability in a country where science-denial is a cottage industry. In addition to her native German, Merkel speaks Russian, French, and English, a big liability in the monolingual U.S.

A better attribute of U.S. government is due process of law, but due process is slow. The more process is due the slower. This week, Circuit Justice Anthony Kennedy turned away an appeal by David Daleiden, the “journalist” who produced the heavily edited Planned Parenthood video that will continue to produce lies all the way though the coming election.

Daleiden appealed an order by the trial court that he reveal the names of people to whom he passed confidential information he got under false pretenses. His claim was that the persons to whom he fed secrets might face retaliation.

“So,” Cousin Ray commented about old case they relied on, “is it as big a deal to be on the wrong side of Planned Parenthood as it was to be on the wrong side of the KKK in 1963?”

USA Today reported that Otha Anders, 73, of Ruston, Louisiana, finally decided to give up his penny collection of about 45 years when he learned that his homeowner insurance would not cover the 15 five gallon water jugs full of coins. A machine at a local bank took over five hours to count them. He had saved over $5,000.

Cousin Ray called my attention to his own water jug. I peered closer and saw quarters covering the bottom and beginning to creep up the sides. I had to ask what it was about.

“Easy,” Ray grinned. “I drop a quarter in the jug every time one of the talking heads on TV says, ‘Donald Trump has gone too far this time,’ and hustle my friends to do the same.”

In a case of no good deed going unpunished, the Washington Examiner reported that Cherry McKimmey is putting a handwritten note from President Obama up for sale to raise money for her Iraq war veteran son’s expenses. David McKimmey was awarded a Bronze Star with Valor for going back into a vehicle that was on fire to save others. He suffered burns to his hands and face and injuries to his leg.

In response to Cherry McKimmey’s crusade to get adequate help from the VA, Obama wrote, “We are grateful for your son’s service, and Michelle and I intend to do everything we can over the next four years to support your family and other military families.”

Ms. McKimmey’s disappointment is understandable, because the average person does not understand interfering with the outcome of a legal process is not part of “everything we can…do.”

An auction house predicted that the letter would fetch $4,000-$5,000. Alexander Historical Auctions is waiving commissions.

From a land of more powerful executives, UPI reported that the government in Moscow will offer free wi-fi at several cemeteries. The service is set to launch in the first half of 2016 and come to cemeteries in Vagankovskoye, Troyekurovskoye and Novodevichy.

Cousin Ray commented that he now knows where some of his grandkids will want to be buried.

Speaking of Internet addiction, I am told that something called “The Condom Challenge” has been going around. Nothing like the Ice Bucket Challenge that raised big bucks for charity. Yet.

Also, Psychology Professor Danielle N. Gunraj and several others published a study in Computers in Human Behavior that shows text messages ending with a period are perceived as “less sincere” than the same words with no punctuation or an exclamation point!

“Kids,” Cousin Ray snorted.

He’s right. They were undergraduate college students. And the exclamation point does not appear to have added perceived sincerity to Jeb! Bush’s campaign.

Bay News 9 reported from Barefoot Bay, Florida, that Matthew Riggins, 22, was allegedly involved in burglarizing homes in Barefoot Bay when he was chased away by Brevard County Sherriff’s deputies, who brought a helicopter and K-9 units AKA dogs but he appeared to have escaped.

Turned out, Riggins had hidden from the K-9 units in a pond, where an 11-foot alligator captured him. Lest anybody think the gator was working for the deputies, it attacked them when they put divers in the water looking for missing parts of Riggins’ body. After they killed the gator, they found the burglar in its stomach.

Cousin Ray said he was about to crack wise about animal abuse, but he decided the death penalty was too steep for burglary.

The Albuquerque Journal printed another report at the intersection of burglary and food. Jonathan Ray, 23, has been booked for residential burglary after his mother told him to leave her pot of holiday posole alone and he responded by breaking in to her house and stealing the entire thing.

That lady must make great posole.

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