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How Did I Miss That? Fat Cat News; Mayan Mystery

Fat cats dominated the news this week. The Dallas Morning News did a follow up report on Skinny, a stray cat picked up in 2012 and identified as one of the world’s heaviest cats at 41 pounds. Skinny could walk no more than five feet at a time.

The orange tabby was taken to the Richardson, Texas Animal Shelter, and then to the East Lake Pet Orphanage, where he came under the care of Dr. Brittney Barton. She adopted him in 2013 and put him to work in public relations at her veterinary practice on weekdays and home with her family on the weekends. Skinny now weighs 19 pounds and that includes a lot of extra skin.

This column comes to you from Internet Free Texas, the underground resistance to the federal government’s invasion, Jade Helm 15. The lamestream media has suppressed all the firefights and you would never know that every major Texas city is M-16s and hand grenades v. AR-15s and Molotov cocktails.

Talking Points Memo carried a profile of ex-Marine Pete Lanteri, who organized a “citizen surveillance group” to support Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s mobilization of the Texas State Guard to resist federal aggression. Lanteri’s Facebook page contained his reaction to Pope Francis (“F___ this A______!! Jeez commies everywhere!), African-Americans (“failed race”) and his prescription for what should follow after the feds are repelled:

People you should all be making lists of all commie/Marxists/Islamists in your neighborhoods. All the teachers, school board members, politicians, etc who are anti US Constitution need to be identified and addresses known so that when it comes time to round them up we know exactly where to start looking. They will be arrested and tried for treason!!!

Now that the invasion of Texas has begun, why are the lamestream media suppressing the story and why would anybody pay attention to the media again?

The remarks above did not amuse my cousin Ray Sixkiller. He thought trying to make it a credibility issue is a lost cause. “Since when do these bozos lose credibility with bad predictions? That’s about as likely as Donald Trump falling in the polls for making a fool of himself.”

Since Cousin Ray brought back the subject of fat cats, I must mention that The Donald’s latest is his answer to a New York Times report that he stormed out of a deposition when the opposing lawyer asked for a break to pump breast milk for her 3 month old daughter, telling the breastfeeding lawyer, “You’re disgusting!”

While his lawyer tried to claim Trump was referring to the lawyer’s questions rather than her breast pump, Trump himself told CNN that what was “disgusting” was that she intended to use the pump in front of other people during the deposition rather than excuse herself.

“Gee whiz,” Cousin Ray commented, “why didn’t he just say so? Don’t you think everybody will agree that women’s breasts are disgusting?”

Politico reported that the fat cat Koch Brothers are “freezing out” The Donald from their electoral swag bags of money and software. Koch front group Americans for Prosperity has not invited Trump to this year’s Grassroots Summit, a snub replicated so far throughout the web of AstroTurf organizations the Kochs have put together.

Elsewhere in the credibility wars, an ad created by Restoration PAC on behalf of Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson used a photograph of President Obama giving a warm smile and warmer handshake to President Hassan Rouhani of Iran.

If those two presidents had ever met, it would have been major news.

When BuzzFeed busted the Photoshop and asked Restoration PAC spokesman Dan Curry for comment, Curry said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re saying that’s a Photoshop — can you explain what you’re talking about?”

The ad also used ISIS video to attack making a deal with Iran…which is fighting ISIS. “Picky, picky,” Cousin Ray snickered, before regaling me with the long history of the political right Photoshopping President Obama.

Turned out the Photoshop of Obama with an Iranian official came from a real photo with an Indian official. “Close enough,” Cousin Ray laughed. “Same hemisphere.”

Many media outlets reported “proof” of the existence of McDonald’s “secret menu” when an employee of Mickey D blurted it out on Reddit. There’s a website for that, featuring the secret menus of lots of fast food places.

It used to hold up our order what seemed like forever when my son ordered a burger without onions, so I was surprised to hear about secret offerings like the Monster Mac (8 patties), the Chicken McGriddle (Mickey’s answer to fried chicken and waffles), the Land, Sea, and Air Burger (beef, fish, chicken) and the McGangBang (don’t ask).

When I was a kid, I read about how people in Guatemala would flatten empty cans to make roofing shingles and people in India would rewind the copper wire on electric appliance motors that had given up the ghost. Those were reference points for believing that rural Oklahoma was just poor and not poorest. Whether something is broken beyond repair still depends on where you live.

AlJazeera reported on the destination of very large amounts of almost 50 million tons of electronic waste—dead and obsolete computers, TVs, and other gear---that wind up in Agbogbloshie, a suburb of Accra, Ghana. Some of the poorest of the poor mine mountains of toxic e-waste for everything from copper to palladium and, of course, gold and silver. Primitive extraction methods release the toxins—lead, mercury, cadmium—that kill the humans and poison the soil and water.

Other poor people become electronics nerds and use the parts to cobble together working computers and sell them to slightly less poor people who are able to join the digital age because their country has become a refuse dump for developed nations.

Ghana could have it worse. It could be Afghanistan.

Since the U.S. invaded Afghanistan in 2001, the one-eyed leader of the Taliban, Mullah Omar, has been on the run with a ten million dollar price on his head offered by the U.S. State Department. All of a sudden—and just before the Afghan government opens negotiations with the Taliban—the news breaks that Mullah Omar died two years ago in Pakistan. Or ten years ago, according to some reports.

Most Taliban troops are bound not to any political agenda but rather by a personal oath sworn to Mullah Omar, so it’s very convenient that Omar’s death becomes known just before talks begin.

Those who missed the bounty on Mullah Omar should not have to wait long before one is posted for Walter Palmer of River Bluff Dental in Bloomington, Minnesota, the trophy hunter who perpetrated the gruesome death of Cecil the Lion, until recently the top cat at Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe. Make that “fat cat,” since Cecil was the park’s major attraction.

Dr. Palmer had to be something of a fat cat himself, since he paid over $50,000 to the “professionals” who lured Cecil a matter of yards outside the park to be shot with a bow and tracked for some 40 hours before being finished off with a rifle, beheaded, skinned, and an attempt made to destroy his tracking collar.

The BBC reported the eruption of outrage on social media, including Yelp (bogus reviews of River Bluff Dental), Twitter (#CecilTheLion, #LionsLives Matter), and Facebook. In defense of the Great White Hunter, Ted Nugent posted on Facebook “the whole story is a lie. It was a wild lion from a ‘park’ where hunting is legal & ESSENTIAL beyond the park borders. all animals reproduce every year & would run out of room/food to live w/o hunting. I will write a full piece on this joke asap. God are people stupid.”

“Stupidity,” muttered Cousin Ray. “There’s finally a subject Ted Nugent knows.”

National Geographic reported a completely unexpected find of relics with inscriptions that related to a major political upheaval among the Maya inhabiting El Achiotal in what is now Guatemala and those based in Teotihuacán, some thirty miles from what is now Mexico City.

David Stuart of the University of Texas at Austin was brought in to decipher the Mayan hieroglyphs, which clearly referred to a 40-year anniversary of an ajaw, a local leader Europeans would call a vassal lord. However, the date of the anniversary was unclear. Stuart commented to National Geographic, "The scribes were very tricky and they wrote one of the date elements in a super-ambiguous way."

Stuart had four dates to choose from, and the one he found most likely was November 22, 418 C.E. Counting back forty years from that date produced the year that Siyaj K’ahk’ (“Fire is Born”) took power in Teotihuacán, beginning a Mayan “new world order” according to modern archaeologists.

Cousin Ray was LOL.

“I can’t help it. The Spanish burned all the Mayan Codices they could find. Writing on stone wouldn’t burn. So after centuries of scholars claiming Indians were too uncivilized for writing, these guys agonize over reading Indian writing.”

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