How Did I Miss That? Badges? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Badges!

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The Mail Tribune reported that Robert Borba, 28, of Eagle Point, Oregon was at Wal-Mart loading dog food into his livestock trailer when he heard a woman screaming that someone was stealing her bicycle. Borba got his horse, Long John, out of the trailer and gave chase.

The thief was already having trouble manipulating the bicycle gears when he saw the cowboy riding after him. He ditched the bike and continued his getaway on foot, but he failed to clear the Wal-Mart parking lot before Borba’s lasso jerked him off his feet. He grabbed a tree, but Long John backed up to keep the rope taut and there things remained for the 15 minutes it took police to appear.

While Victorino Arrellano-Sanchez, 22, was lying there with the lasso around his ankles, he looked up at Borba and asked, “Do you have a badge to do this?” When the folks with the badges showed up, Arrellano-Sanchez was booked for theft.

Borba, who followed the rodeo circuit before he settled down in Southern Oregon, told the Mail Tribune, “I use a rope every day; that’s how I make my living. If it catches cattle pretty good, it catches a bandit pretty good.”

A pair of thieves had better luck stealing transportation back in 2002 when they made off with one of only three Aston-Martin DB2 prototypes to finish the 24 hours at Le Mans in 1949. They were convicted but failed to show up for sentencing and the car was never found.

This week, the BBC reported that the storied Aston-Martin—originally British racing green—was recovered with lots of dents and a coat of primer paint in The Netherlands. The original owner has walked on and his relatives are putting the car on the auction block “as is,” where it’s expected to fetch over a million dollars.

The man who inherited the car was emotional about selling it, but he told the BBC, “(M)y heart will be pleased if it doesn’t sell, but my head has to acknowledge that it will cost many thousands to restore.”

NBC reported that two armed men robbed a McDonald’s in Ecole-Valentin, in the eastern part of France. The robbers paid no attention to 11 men having lunch, who were members of Groupe d'intervention de la Gendarmerie nationale, (GIGN), the French Special Forces Counterterrorism Unit.

The commandos let the robbery go on so as not to endanger about 30 other customers and 15 employees. But they followed the robbers outside and invited them to surrender before beginning an altercation that ended with one robber shot and the other seriously injured when he allegedly fell down a flight of stairs. Oops.

A surveillance video to detect trespass produced a different kind of report on CNN. Hollie Breaux Mallet set up the video to figure out why a young boy was periodically running into her garage and then making a swift getaway on his bike.

Turned out, the young fellow’s family dog, Bella, had just died. He kept running into Mallet’s open garage to steal a hug from the dog whose bed and food were kept there, a mutt named Duchess. The hug burglar was given permission for regular play dates with Duchess, but, as the CNN anchors suggested, it sounds like time to visit the local shelter and bring home a new friend.

In the same news cycle when the hug burglar was unmasked, the Georgia Supreme Court joined most jurisdictions that have ruled on the issue to hold that dogs have no sentimental value. So if somebody kills your dog, you can sue them for only “fair market value.” Long ago, there was a case of a well-loved mutt that was stolen and the thief was found guilty of stealing the (worthless) dog’s collar.

In the case against the value of mutts were the American Veterinary Medical Association, Georgia Veterinary Medical Association, American Animal Hospital Association, National Animal Interest Alliance, American Kennel Club, the American Pet Products Association, and the Pet Industry Joint Advisory Council.

The AKC was probably interested in maintaining the superiority of dogs with papers, but the others make money off the love of dogs but do not wish to owe compensation for the real emotional loss if they negligently allow a mutt with human friends to come to harm.

CNN reported that Lake, a six-month-old Weimaraner, filched a half empty bottle of Gorilla Glue out of the trash. When the dog showed serious signs of distress, she came under the care of Dr. Leonardo Baez of Midtown Vets in Oklahoma City.

After a two-hour surgery, Dr. Baez extracted a perfect mold of Lake’s stomach cast in Gorilla Glue, with bits of the bottle and grass she had apparently consumed as a side dish inside. The dog is expected to recover but the vet recommended a change of diet.

Great Big Story’s lead video of the week tells of the friendship between Dr. Therdchai Jivacate of Lampang, Thailand, and Mosha the elephant. Mosha lost a leg to a land mine and Dr. Jivacate invented the first elephant prosthetic leg. It has had to be replaced regularly as she grew, but it works for the grateful pachyderm

In other animal news, the Southern Poverty Law Center reported that the Supreme Court of Canada has affirmed a lower court decision invalidating a $220,000 bequest to the neo-Nazi National Alliance. The bequest in the will of Canadian NA member Robert McCorkill was challenged by his surviving sister, Isabelle.

The affirmed decision held that the National Alliance amounted to a criminal conspiracy and allowing it to inherit would be against public policy. This challenge to a will could not have been brought in the U.S. In Canada, “incitement of hatred” is a criminal offense.

Proving that incitement of hatred is legal in the U.S., Donald Trump has President Obama where he wants him. To respond to Trump’s latest nonsense, Obama would have to say, “I am not a Muslim” and send the message that the POTUS thinks being a Muslim is shameful.

The Washington Post covered Trump’s suggestion that the President is part of a Muslim conspiracy under the headline, “Donald Trump suggests President Obama was involved with Orlando shooting.”

The Trump campaign was complaining about the headline, but I suspect it was the paragraph that began, “In a speech laden with falsehoods and exaggerations…”

The Post joins Politico and Buzzfeed among news organizations denied press credentials by the Trump campaign for coverage not pleasing to the candidate. It’s not hard to find video to substantiate the Post headline and the falsehoods and the exaggerations. This is not about truth. It’s about power.

President Obama is not the first POTUS to be trashed by being called a Muslim. Foreign Policy reminded us that the son of a man locked up under the Sedition Act called John Adams the “new Muhammad.” John Quincy Adams compared Thomas Jefferson to “the Arabian Prophet,” a comparison rendered fanciful when Jefferson sent the U.S. Marines to conquer the Barbary Pirates, Muslim warlords with a penchant for holding American seaman for ransom.

The Marines accomplished their mission with some legendary derring-do and the story joined the Mexican War in the first verse of the Marine Corps Hymn: From the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli…”

My cousin Ray Sixkiller observed that the SEAL mission to kill Osama bin Laden didn’t do much for those who call Obama a Muslim, either.

The Charlotte Observer reported that Leonard Shelor was complying with his wife’s request that he transplant three spirea bushes. As he was replanting the second bush he saw about three inches of stone that did not appear natural, but was too big for an arrowhead.

What we know of his find, we know because he had sense enough to contact the anthropology department at East Carolina University before he disturbed the point any further. Shelor’s yard contained a cache of 81 spear points dated 5,000 to 6,000 years old.

The source of the aphyric rhyolite rock was traced to a mountain about five miles away and the workmanship was so similar all the points were thought to be knapped by the same craftsman.

Lori Kay Gross, a graduate student who will probably write her master’s thesis about this dig, said of Shelor’s luck, “He just happened to stick a shovel in that exact spot. Two feet any other direction, (the cache) would still be there.”

Navajo Times reported that Iraq veteran Perry James, 41, of Continental Divide, New Mexico, received the first master’s degree conferred by Navajo Technical University. James collected his undergraduate degree in Native American Studies from the University of New Mexico in 2012.

James is now a Master of Arts in Diné Culture, Language and Leadership. Crediting his grandparents with his early cultural grounding, James delivered to the Times one of the greatest understatements I’ve ever heard from an Indian student: “Textbooks aren’t written from our perspective.”