Consumerism is the Reason for the Season: The Most Terrible Time of the Year
Gyasi Ross
Quick Story: When I was just a wee little lad (4th grade), my teacher Mr. Heiser (I think thatās how he spelled his name) had the idea to have a gift exchange within our class the day before Christmas vacation began. It was a cool ideaāteach the students that this season is about giving and not getting. That made a lot of senseāthe Blackfeet Reservation is a pretty financially strapped place, especially in the midst of Reaganomics, and so we probably couldnāt expect to get that much anyway. A lesson in the ātrueā reason for the season. Temper our expectations.
Appropriately, he put a pretty low cap on the gift exchange. We couldnāt spend more than 5 bucks on the gift. Still, in the mid-80s, 5 bucks was a pretty good chunk of change (that was the time when there was TRUE penny candy, and heck, I could even drive around for 3 weeks on 5 bucks all the way until 1994!!); it wasnāt an insignificant amount of money. But it was reasonable.
I drew my buddy Dustyās name. Dusty was always a nice kid and never picked on me and I never picked on him. He was into Star Wars and the Karate Kid. My kinda guy. I went home happy that I drew Dustyās name and that was going be able to get him a cool gift. He deserved a cool toy. I planned to get him a āMan At Armsā from the āHe-Manā line of toys.
That evening, I got my first lesson in single-mom economics. I told my mom the plan, how we could go into town to Ben Franklinās and get it that very night:
Mom: āBaby, we canāt afford that!ā
Me: āMama, itās ONLY 5 dollars!!ā
Mom: āI know baby. But I donāt have 5 dollars. I have to use my little money for gas to get to work.ā
Me: āBut mom, everybody in the class is giving giftsāIām gonna be the only one that canāt give one!ā
Mom: āBaby, maybe we can talk to Mr. Heiser. I just canāt afford it baby. I really want to, but I canāt. Maybe we can give Dusty something on payday.ā
Me: āSchool will be out by payday! Itās gonna be embarrassing not to have a gift! I canāt believe you canāt afford itāitās ONLY 5 dollars! I canāt stand being poor!! I donāt want to live here! I wish I lived with my dad!!ā
Mom: *Sad and Dejected and Crying* āI wish we werenāt poor too, baby. I wish I could get it for you. Iām sorry I disappointed youā¦ā
Obviously, that was a long time ago. But I still think about that time, a long time ago, and get sad. I get sad about a lot of thingsāhereās a few lessons that I learned from that experience:
No. 1, In hindsight, I canāt believe that I didnāt know we were poor before that. Itās almost comicalāit was pretty obvious. A bunch of us in a one-bedroom trailer with no running waterāof course we were poor (financially)!! Our family was very close and loving, but it just strikes me how amazing my mom was at making us feel loved DESPITE having no money because it never occurred to me, before that moment, that we were poor.
No. 2, Iām ashamed that I would ever talk to my mom like that and that I made her feel bad for something beyond her control. Iām also ashamed that I thought that āONLY 5 dollarsā was an insignificant amount of moneyāI should have been slapped for the whole incident, but particularly for that arrogant assumption. āOnly 5 dollars.ā Struggles are relative, and what we might think of as āeasyā or āsilly,ā is dire to some people. āONLY 5 dollarsā was the difference between mom getting to work or not and getting a paycheck. It was the difference between us eating or not. It was the difference between us getting the little luxuries that we did have or not.
There was absolutely nothing insignificant about that 5 dollars.
No. 3, I realize that I blamed my mom simply for always being there. My dad didnāt have to hear my tantrumāhe got off scott-free because he was (oftentimes) an absentee parent. I think single-parenting is oftentimes like thatāwe hurt the ones we love because those are the only ones that love us enough to hear our tantrums and stay close by us.
No. 4, Finally, I think about Christmasās ability to make parents feel like utter failures. EVERYBODY wants their children to have nice stuffāstill, most people simply cannot (and probably should not) afford it. Christmasāwith the constant blitz of advertising and ads and mailers and lights and salesācan really highlight EVERY thing that you cannot afford. Of course, we can talk all day about how parents should teach their kids that material things arenāt important and consumerism and yadda yadda yadda. I agree. But I also remember how important those material things wereāeven in a poor placeāand how much pressure my mom felt to make me and my sisters feel like we werenāt being left behind socially. My mom is a great mom, but I made her feel bad because the she simply couldnāt afford the excess of the season. I hate when great, loving and devoted parents are made to feel inadequate because of artificial things that are beyond their control. Iām sure thatās part of the reason why this season is the peak season for suicidesāthere is a palpable pressure to come thru and deliver the goods, like Santa Claus.
Thereās a lot of pressure. The pressure is real and unfortunately Santa Claus doesnāt help relieve that pressure.
I donāt have the answers. I try to teach my son that this time of the year is not about āgetting,ā just like my mom taught me that itās not about āgetting.ā He understands pretty well, but he also sees TV and his friends. Heās not immune to mass marketing and the destructive power of western consumerism, just like I wasnāt immune. Acceptance is crucial, rightly or wrongly, for children.
Again, I donāt have the answers. But hereās a few thoughts though: I pray that you all resist the temptation to feel powerless during this time. You are not powerless and gifts do not make the season. I also hope that you fight the urge to try to give your loved ones all the material things that they wantāthat simply feeds the monster. A few presents should be plenty. This is a teaching opportunity: life is not about getting. Life is not about spending. IF there IS a purpose to the Christmas season, that purpose is to BE TOGETHER and to LOVE TOGETHER. Thatās coolāthereās plenty of Native Christians, and God bless you, definitely celebrate the day of your Saviorās birth. Still, letās not buy into (literally!) all the materialistic nonsense that is associated with Christmas; that materialism is 100% western-created and has NOTHING to do with the sacred part (if there is one) of the holiday.
Letās not use religion as an excuse to be ugly and excessive like the rest of America. Indigenous people are differentāexcess hasnāt historically been a part of our makeup. Hunter/gatherers couldnāt be excessiveāit was impractical.
The alternative? Celebrate important times the way Indigenous people have always celebrated; love each other unabashedly and actively. All the time, not just this time of the yearābut DEFINITELY during this time of the year! Make your children sick of seeing you because you spend so much time with them. I try to make up for the gifts that my son does NOT get by spending time with him. Go to the movies. Go play basketball. Get in a snowball fight. Eat bad food together. Eat ice cream and watch wrestling late at night. Make memories. Itās about presence, not presentsāNative love has never been about Hallmark cards or gift wrap. Itās about inclusion and security and protection and food (!!!).
Most of all, I simply wanted you parents to know that Iām thinking about you. Someone is praying for you and understands that youāre trying as hard as you can.
Merry Christmas.
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