A Parable that Lives on in Republican Philosophy — Or Why the Grasshopper is a Democrat

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Old parable: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Moral of the story: Be responsible for yourself!

Modern parable: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to
know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are
cold and starving.

CBS, CNN, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries
when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the
news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome." Jesse then has
the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Ted Kennedy, Tom Daschle, Dick Gephart, Hillary Clinton and Howard Dean
stage an interview with Peter Jennings claiming that the ant has gotten
rich off the back of the grasshopper, and call for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,"
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to
hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay
his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant and the case is tried before a panel of
federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent
welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

As the story ends, as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to
be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

Later, the grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related incident and the
house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the
once peaceful neighborhood.

Moral of the story: Vote Republican.

John Guevremont is a Mashantucket Pequot member and the tribe's Chief
Operating Officer. A life-long Republican, he has been active in
Connecticut and national politics and was a delegate to the 2000 Republican
National Convention. The contents of this article do not necessarily
reflect the Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation's official position.