Who are the funniest people in the world? Indians. Here are nine jokes that prove it.
A man and woman are driving on the same road. They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, “PIG!” The man yells out the window, “BITCH!”
The man rounds next curve.
Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.
Thought for The Day: If only men would listen....
My cousin Donald Godwin went to get his Social Security started. But he forgot his papers on the kitchen table.
The lady at the Social Security office told him he needed proof of birth before they could get things started. He pulled down his shirt and said, “Don’t these grey hairs on my chest prove I’m 65?”
She said, “All right sir, I believe you. But we have to have definitive proof. You’ll need to bring in your birth certificate.”
He goes back home and his wife says, “Fool, I know you didn’t get the Social Security started. Your papers are laying right here.”
“Oh, I got it started,” he says.
“How did you do that?” she asked.
“I just showed them the grey hairs on my chest,” he says.
She says, “You should have pulled down your pants and gotten disability, too.
Ten Things To Say To A White Person
How much white are you?
I’m part white myself, you know.
I learned all your people’s ways in the Boy Scouts.
My great-grandmother was a full blood European princess.
Funny, you don’t look white.
Where are your powdered wigs and knickers?
Do you live in a covered wagon?
What’s the meaning behind the square dance?
Oh, wow! I really love your hair. Can I touch it?
What’s your feeling about riverboat casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a short-term fix?
Source: PBS 'We Shall Remain'
'How much white are you?' said the Wampanoag to the Pilgrim.
Chizzie and Rita go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and Rita goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they’ve been married.
Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces Rita and kisses her passionately. Rita shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to Chizzie and says, “This is what Rita needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”
Chizzie thinks for a moment and replies, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but Fridays, I gotta herd sheep.”
Two Moons: “Have you ever had an Eskimo seven-course dinner?”
Little Man: “No. What’s an Eskimo seven course dinner?”
Two Moons: “A six pack and some whale blubber.”
Question: What do you call 64 Cherokees in a tent?
Answer: A full blood.
Question: What do you call ten Pine Ridgers in a sweat lodge?
Answer: “Gorillas in the Mist.”
Cecelia Fire Thunder
This man at Whiteriver was visiting the trading post when he saw a dog lying in the corner. All of a sudden the dog started licking his dick.
“I wish I could do that,” he says.
One of the local Apaches says, “You better pet him first.”
“Have you ever had a Cherokee seven-course dinner?” said Andy.
“What’s that?” asked Two Moons.
“A six pack and a possum,” Andy replied.
These are excerpts from the forthcoming book, “Indin Jokes.” Dr. Dean Chavers is director of Catching the Dream, a national scholarship program for Native college students. Over 78 percent of CTD scholarship winners have earned a college degree, from BA/BS to MBA and Ph.D. CTD also makes grants to Indian schools for school improvement. Contact him at CTD4DeanChavers@aol.com for scholarship and grant information. He has helped over 1,200 Native students win over $15 million in scholarships and get into Harvard, Stanford, Dartmouth, Columbia, Brown, Yale, and UCLA.
This story was originally published July 18, 2015.