9 Jokes That Prove Indians Are the Funniest People in the World
Dr. Dean Chavers
Who are the funniest people in the world? Indians. Here are nine jokes that prove it.
Say No To Lipstick
This school was having problems with lipstick. Young girls would put it on and press their lips to the mirrors in the bathroom to blot it. They left lip prints everyday.
The janitor would have to clean the mirrors every night. Finally the principal decided to fix the problem. She brought the girls in and had the janitor show them how he cleaned the mirrors.
He took his squeegee and dipped it in the toilet and then used it to clean the mirrors. There were no more mirror blots after that.
When George W. Bush made his one appearance before Indian tribal leaders, they gave him his Indian name—Geh-ton-A-Mish.
He asked one of his aides to find out what the name means in English. The aide came back and said, “It means Walking Eagle.”
Bush said, “Why would they call me Walking Eagle?”
The aide told him, “They said you were so full of s— you can’t fly.”
Did you hear they took down the sign in the village in Texas? It said: “One of Our Idiots is Missing”
They found him. He had been hiding in the White House for eight years.
You Could Be Rezzed Out
If your first toy was an empty commodity box.
You have to wait to have your birthday party at the end of the month, when grandma gets her check, even if your birthday is in the middle of the month.
Everybody in your family works in the tribal casino.
Every time you see a line you jump in, thinking that you’re getting surplus cheese.
You know commodity cheese is the best cheese in the world.
You and all your friends have all gone out with the same people.
Your favorite sport is snagging.
You and your family carry on old feuds, but don’t know why any more. When you ask your mom, she says something like, “Well, her momma called my momma a bad name in 1947.”
Your second favorite sport is telling everybody’s business.
You’re 45 years old and you and your snag still live at home with your parents and your four kids.
You live for fire season, powwow season, basketball season, and rodeo season—just to get off the res.
You still wear your MVP sweatshirt from 1979.
You’re 40 years old and still try to snag 20 year olds.
If Santa Were An Indin
At bedtime, kids would have to leave corn soup and frybread for the big guy.
Santa’s new moccasins would be made out of Dasher.
Santa would run around saying “shh…ttt” and “Ayyy” instead of “ho, ho, ho.”
A five-pound block of cheese and day-old bread would be under every tree.
His elves would never show up for work on Mondays and sometimes Fridays.
The sleigh would have to have a jump start in every other state, and would have one donut tire.
He would be able to navigate his sleigh by pointing his lips.
All his elves would be Hopis from Second Mesa.
All your gifts would not arrive until February.
What do you call two Leech Lakers who get divorced? Cousins.
What do you call 32 Chippewas in a tent? A full set of teeth.
The Creeks and the Cherokees had a war in the late 1800s. No one was winning, so the Cherokees decided they would use dynamite.
They bought some dynamite and started throwing it at the Creeks.
But the Creeks won because they lit the fuses and threw it back at the Cherokees.
Dr. Jerry Bread
If a Chickasaw man marries a woman who is half Potawatomi and half Hualapai, what do you call their kids?
Chicken Pot Pie