If you have been awake at all in the past week and looked at the internet, TV or even a (gulp) newspaper, you have very likely heard about the newest game craze -- Pokémon Go, with well over 10 million mobile downloads on Android alone.
Pokémon Go is a mobile game in which people try to navigate using their phone GPS and map to capture Pokémon characters to fight, gain trainer experience points and battle their friends.
Here are eight Native-style characters I want to see in Pokémon Go.
Native Land Take Backer-FrumU
Well, it is safe to say the 'Native Land Take Backer-FrumU' is my favorite character. I don't think an explanation is necessary.
He may look like the original Pikachu, but don’t be fooled, this character has the power to reclaim any former Native land (essentially all land) and have it become Native land once again… bye-bye tall building behind him in that photo!
Not to be confused with the ‘Hoopa” character, this is FryBread Thrower-Oopa - who can only be found on the Rez, hiding among Bluebird flour bags. He can take down an army of Pokémon Go turtles by flinging his frybread that was left out a little too long. Even a quick microwave doesn’t soften these circular discs of carnage. Although they can still be eaten with a bit of maple syrup.
One Sister Squash-a-Mon
Angrily separating themselves from the three sisters to leave behind corn and beans, the One Sister Squash-a-Mon is actually kind of a jerk. They are usually found in Pokémon Go vegetable crates at yard sales. They have the unique power of becoming way too mushy when cooked too much and burning your lips when eaten too quick in Pokémon capturing balls filled with hot stew.
Emcee NoGood Replace-Ohroo
This Pokémon Go character is found when searching pow wows during the original emcee’s lunch break. These guys don’t really have the powers of the original emcees, but they do have one true power - they drop a ton of bombs.
These Pokémon Go characters are healers of sorts. They take Rez Dawgs to the vet, get their shots up to date, get them licensed, washed and -- even get their nails trimmed!! A developer reports that when you upgrade them / evolve them they even brush their teeth.
Turtle Islander on Wheels-Akoo
We have absolutely zero idea what these do. But c’mon, it’s a turtle on wheels! We heard they are only found if you change the name of the America’s to Turtle Island in your GPS. (Please oh please let there be a remote controller.)
Fish Lip Pointer Enit-Cheekoo
This guy is awesome because he accelerates your GPS 100% with his ability to point everywhere - using his lips. Over there, enit?
This Pokémon Go character is not Zekrom - and it can be found anywhere in Indian country a Native man did not follow the advice he should have followed in the first place. You knew better, but went ahead and did it anyway,.. Now this character is MAD. There is no character in the Pokémon Go universe that can defeat it. RUN...NOW.
Editor’s Note: I have downloaded the game to try it out, and it is pretty interesting to see my local map filled with potential spots to capture Pokémon Go characters. But please be mindful of your surroundings or you just might walk into a wall, a fountain or blindly into a busy intersection.
Follow ICTMN’s Arts and Entertainment, Pow Wow’s and Sports Editor (and proud #NativeNerd) Vincent Schilling (Akwesasne Mohawk) on Twitter - @VinceSchilling